"THERE IS IRON IN NAGY'S WILL!"
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| Rasha Hoteit in THIS IS NOT TERRORISM - 2003 |
Nagy,
This is a long overdue letter...
To put you in context: I am attending a Positive Psychology Course at LAU (PSY498), as part of which I am required to write a gratitude letter to a person that had an impact on my life. When I first read the syllabus, I did not hesitate: Nagy Souraty! A shiver and a blush followed this thought: I remembered the letters you asked after each Major Production you directed at LAU. I never sent these letters. I have them all typed and printed but I never had the courage to send them, and please don’t ask me to do so!
Nagy, I wanted to start with: I miss you! but this is not true, you are, in a way, part of my everyday. And for this I am writing to say thank you!
In fact, this might come as a surprise to you but you have been part of my life long before you knew me as your student...
I can still remember that Saturday of April 1993! My sister was attending the CEMEAL workshop (Centre d'Entraînement aux Méthodes d'éducation Active du Liban) you were directing. My parents insisted on visiting her but you refused to let them see her since visits were not allowed. I was eight at the time, and I remember arguing with my parents all the way back home. They did not understand. They said you were senselessly stubborn. I, on the other hand, was impressed! I admired your kind force, your polite aggressiveness and all those contradictions that make a human being True. You were not trying to impress or please them you were genuine and at ease with yourself. I was impressed and impatient for my sister to get back home and tell me all about her experience. Well, I had to wait seven years to live that experience myself, and be part of your classes, workshops, seminars, and Major Productions... And what a journey this was!
"There is Iron in Nagy’s will!" was the title I chose for portrait I painted of you... because it is from you that I learned that one could achieve anything and everything by being genuine, perseverant, by being in control of his mind and body, and by understanding others and trying to solve our problems. Nagy, you empowered me and taught me never to give up, you taught me to learn from failure, to embrace it and try again... I defied my fears. "Do not hesitate... if you hesitate you’ll get hurt!": you said. I was afraid when I fell the first time trying to cross through the huge rope you were turning. But regardless of my injury you held my hand and made me cross that same rope. I will never forget that moment! You were right it felt good! Defying the different ropes in my life also felt great, it made me a stronger person.
On stage you also taught me to find my place without stepping on others or being stepped on. "Find your space! Find your moment! Do not argue, just listen to the group, feel the breath, do not hesitate, be confident and throw yourself. If you do it right you will find it" you used to say... and I did! I therefore thank you for giving me the strength to fight with elegance and the will to win my battles. You gave me the confidence to believe that what I want is what matters.
I remember with every Major Production we worked on, the recurrent complaint of you taking over our lives and invading our conscious and unconscious selves. You affect our dreams we used to say! But we were wrong, we were not invaded, we opened the doors and invited you in. Once again you taught us that with a strong will, we could be in charge of our minds and bodies, even if we refused to acknowledge it at first! And I have to admit that this is why I never sent you those letters... [...]
What I should confess is that your teaching, your methods and your stage were my therapy. It is there that I experienced the therapeutic magic of the Arts, hence my choice of career in Art Therapy.
When I talk about you, people sometimes think I am exaggerating, but I was happy and proud to see (reading the many posts on Didaskalos Aghonistikos Blog) that my appreciation of you is not subjective, but shared with a large group of people who had the privilege of experiencing the system that uses theatre beyond the artistic aesthetics, making of the people who experience it ‘better versions of themselves’. However I was a bit jealous of their capacity to express their gratitude. That is why on April 13th, 2011 in the lobby of Al Madina Theatre I told you that I needed to see you. I thanked you for the wonderful work you presented, and I disappeared planning to write to you thanking you for everything you did, but since then... I had a baby! (I know... "All excuses are good but non-is
valid!" you always said).
Therefore, I am glad for the opportunity of this course because I know that I wouldn’t have had the courage to send you this letter on my own, even though I always wanted to!
Finally, I treasured the quote by Apollinaire :
Nagy, I wanted to start with: I miss you! but this is not true, you are, in a way, part of my everyday. And for this I am writing to say thank you!
In fact, this might come as a surprise to you but you have been part of my life long before you knew me as your student...
I can still remember that Saturday of April 1993! My sister was attending the CEMEAL workshop (Centre d'Entraînement aux Méthodes d'éducation Active du Liban) you were directing. My parents insisted on visiting her but you refused to let them see her since visits were not allowed. I was eight at the time, and I remember arguing with my parents all the way back home. They did not understand. They said you were senselessly stubborn. I, on the other hand, was impressed! I admired your kind force, your polite aggressiveness and all those contradictions that make a human being True. You were not trying to impress or please them you were genuine and at ease with yourself. I was impressed and impatient for my sister to get back home and tell me all about her experience. Well, I had to wait seven years to live that experience myself, and be part of your classes, workshops, seminars, and Major Productions... And what a journey this was!
"There is Iron in Nagy’s will!" was the title I chose for portrait I painted of you... because it is from you that I learned that one could achieve anything and everything by being genuine, perseverant, by being in control of his mind and body, and by understanding others and trying to solve our problems. Nagy, you empowered me and taught me never to give up, you taught me to learn from failure, to embrace it and try again... I defied my fears. "Do not hesitate... if you hesitate you’ll get hurt!": you said. I was afraid when I fell the first time trying to cross through the huge rope you were turning. But regardless of my injury you held my hand and made me cross that same rope. I will never forget that moment! You were right it felt good! Defying the different ropes in my life also felt great, it made me a stronger person.
On stage you also taught me to find my place without stepping on others or being stepped on. "Find your space! Find your moment! Do not argue, just listen to the group, feel the breath, do not hesitate, be confident and throw yourself. If you do it right you will find it" you used to say... and I did! I therefore thank you for giving me the strength to fight with elegance and the will to win my battles. You gave me the confidence to believe that what I want is what matters.
I remember with every Major Production we worked on, the recurrent complaint of you taking over our lives and invading our conscious and unconscious selves. You affect our dreams we used to say! But we were wrong, we were not invaded, we opened the doors and invited you in. Once again you taught us that with a strong will, we could be in charge of our minds and bodies, even if we refused to acknowledge it at first! And I have to admit that this is why I never sent you those letters... [...]
What I should confess is that your teaching, your methods and your stage were my therapy. It is there that I experienced the therapeutic magic of the Arts, hence my choice of career in Art Therapy.
When I talk about you, people sometimes think I am exaggerating, but I was happy and proud to see (reading the many posts on Didaskalos Aghonistikos Blog) that my appreciation of you is not subjective, but shared with a large group of people who had the privilege of experiencing the system that uses theatre beyond the artistic aesthetics, making of the people who experience it ‘better versions of themselves’. However I was a bit jealous of their capacity to express their gratitude. That is why on April 13th, 2011 in the lobby of Al Madina Theatre I told you that I needed to see you. I thanked you for the wonderful work you presented, and I disappeared planning to write to you thanking you for everything you did, but since then... I had a baby! (I know... "All excuses are good but non-is
valid!" you always said).
Therefore, I am glad for the opportunity of this course because I know that I wouldn’t have had the courage to send you this letter on my own, even though I always wanted to!
Finally, I treasured the quote by Apollinaire :
"Come to the edge, he said. They said: We are afraid. Come to the edge, he said. They came. He pushed them and they flew."
So thank you for the push Nagy... I am enjoying the flight!
Faithfully,
Rasha Hoteit.
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